


The Compatibility Algorithm (His Story)

by Queenfisher_bbt



Category: The Big Bang Theory (TV)
Genre: Community: shamyficexchange, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-25
Updated: 2013-12-04
Packaged: 2017-12-30 10:53:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,320
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1017738
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Queenfisher_bbt/pseuds/Queenfisher_bbt
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>No one ever really understood their relationship. It was odd, out of place and, for lack of a better term, weird. Sheldon had always enjoyed Amy’s company, but what if he just can’t see her as anything but a friend? A Shamy fan fiction exploring the thoughts of Sheldon Lee Cooper.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Fowler Disturbance

**Author's Note:**

> Author's Note: Hello! This is my first fan fiction ever and I hope you like it~! This is a His & Her story so I highly advise that you also read Amy's side of the story~! You can check it out in my list of stories~! I'll be updating the two fanfictions alternatively because I want to show their different points of view. There's always two sides to the same coin, and not everything is what it seems. I update when I can, and though I might update slower than other writers, I make sure that a lot of thought was put into each chapter. Enjoy~!

* * *

**Sheldon Lee Cooper**

I found a particularly interesting article on the National Geographic website the other day that speculated on how humans may or may not evolve in the future.

…

Sheldon enthusiastically typed away as he chewed on a red vine. Skype sessions with Amy had been part of his routine after work, and he had always been excited to share things that fascinated him, especially when it was with her.

…

**Sheldon Lee Cooper**

One theory suggests that humans have already reached an evolutionary plateau and won't evolve further.

**Sheldon Lee Cooper**

They explained that genetic innovations are only likely to become fixed in small, isolated populations. As if, right?

**Amy Farrah Fowler**

Must be one of those loony-bins that thought the earth was flat.

**Sheldon Lee Cooper**

LOL

…

Sheldon liked the fact that Amy always agreed with him. If it was Leonard, he might have said something suggesting that the theory of an evolutionary plateau had its 'points' and 'merits.'

…

**Sheldon Lee Cooper**

The second one suggests that humans would continue to evolve into more intelligent and physically superior beings.

**Sheldon Lee Cooper**

Women would evolve to be stouter and shorter since those are the common ovulatory characteristics associated to multiple childbirth, and those characteristics are, in turn, passed on to their offspring.

**Sheldon Lee Cooper**

And based on the ever evolving technology, the more intelligent rules over the less intelligent when it comes to the mating chain.

**Sheldon Lee Cooper**

Still, with media and pop culture consistently corrupting the minds of the lesser folk, individuals would rather choose to procreate with the bad boy heartthrobs and scatterbrained females. A sad truth.

**Amy Farrah Fowler**

A sad truth indeed.

**Sheldon Lee Cooper**

I have to say though, I believe we are somewhat of a new, more developed and superior species of man. A Homo Novus if you will. It's sad to think that there might only be two of us in the world.

**Amy Farrah Fowler**

Yes, which is why I have a proposal for you.

**Sheldon Lee Cooper**

Go on.

**Amy Farrah Fowler**

Like how endangered animals such as giant pandas and western tragopans are isolated in a wildlife preserve to mate and multiply, I suggest for us to procreate. But in petri dishes. No physical contact.

…

Sheldon stared at the screen in disbelief.

_Really Amy? You want to procreate?_

…

**Amy Farrah Fowler**

Think about it. In this world ridden with poverty, terrorism and global economic collapse, doesn't mankind deserve leaders that could rescue them from their tragic destiny? Our progenies could become benign overlords that could lead man to a brighter tomorrow.

…

Sheldon was the kind of person who was set in his ways. He doesn't easily sway his judgments nor does his thoughts simply change by mere suggestion, but if it was her, somehow, everything she stated made perfect sense.

…

**Sheldon Lee Cooper**

I must say Amy, that's a very appealing suggestion!

…

Of course, it wasn't such an appealing suggestion to his comrades, especially to the blonde who choked on her water upon the mention of his planned proliferation with a woman he has only known for four months.

* * *

It was approximately 122 days since Sheldon met her. The day they met was comparable to how Sheldon felt when Zachary Quinto took over the role as Spock, replacing Leonard Nimoy in the revival of the Star Trek movie. What was initially an undesirable and disdainful meeting turned into a delightful and interesting encounter.

On the day of their encounter, Sheldon sat in the passenger seat as he ranted about how the whole expedition was a big waste of time. His two companions had, unbeknownst to him, signed him up in an online dating site for their childish amusement. He was not interested in dating nor did he believe that a bunch of poppycock algorithms could quantify his compatibility with a female. He has always believed he was above these types of social conventions. Dating requires talking, listening to another individual and pretending to be interested in their topic of conversation as well as unnecessary amounts of touching and germ-infested saliva exchange; none of which he enjoyed. He could not comprehend why his friends were so absorbed in it. It was unhygienic, chaotic and just plain icky.

He found it ironic that he had to forgo such an unsanitary experience to get rid of an equally unsanitary sock strategically hidden within the confines of his apartment by his Indian 'friend'. Touching was not really part of the deal, but he was horrified with the notion that his "date" might get ideas.

His plan was short and simple. He was going to inform his date of his predicament and his disinterest in any physical contact but he will commit to the agreement to waste an hour of his time with her. No more, no less. Once this rendezvous was over, Raj would get rid of that doggone sock and his life would get back on track.

* * *

Sheldon's meeting with the green-eyed brunette from Glendale was nothing short of peculiar. He was talking animatedly with his so-called 'comrades' when she went up to him and introduced herself. Amy Farrah Fowler was her name. She was not one of those bodacious, promiscuous, ditzy types he expected to meet in these exploits. Though she was not what others would think to be attractive, he thought that she looked extremely well-groomed and proper.

He immediately told her of the circumstances and almost sympathetically apologized about her gullibility to the dating website. What came next was something that he didn't quite anticipate. She talked in the same rhythm and intellectual finesse as he did. He had deduced that she was no ordinary woman, and was not as low-minded as he had had himself to believe. It made him curious as to why someone as knowledgeable as herself had gotten into something so trivial as dating. He later learned that she was in quite the same quandary, except she was being forced by her mother and had an agreement to date once a year, just like how he was forced to go to church annually.

Only a minute had passed and the girl already had his curiosity. A minute more and she had his attention, for what she said had knocked down all his expectations of this expedition. She denounced all forms of physical contact up to and including coitus. He didn't realize it immediately, but he had started staring in bewilderment and awe at the girl standing before him. The next few words out of his mouth were words he never expected to say.

"May I buy you a beverage?"

* * *

Four months after their meeting, Sheldon and Amy continued to communicate in a daily basis through digital means. Texts, Facebook, Twitter, Gmail, Skype; everything. He was already happy with the arrangement, and he suspected that Amy was too, so he could not understand why Penny insisted that they meet in person. Penny, however, pointed out that if they were to have a child together, in petri dishes in a lab, mind you, that he should at least get to know the future mother. Seeing it as a logical conclusion, he agreed. Unfortunately, to Penny's irritation, since she came up with the idea, she had to drive him to their date.

Throughout the course of the evening, Penny made meager attempts to break the ice and get the two to talk to each other. Though Sheldon and Amy did not detest each other's company, they simply didn't feel all that talkative, which annoyed the bored blonde. In one last attempt, she tried to get Amy a little bit more interested by telling her a tidbit that this was Sheldon's first official date. This somehow lead to a conversation about Penny's dates and to the estimation of the number of men Penny had slept with throughout her lifetime, much to her displeasure.

Sheldon began to see Amy in a new light and gave him all the more reason to push through with their procreation. However, after Penny convinced him that his overly religious born again Christian mother would not want a test-tube grandbaby born out of wedlock, he dropped the idea. Still, the night was not all in vain as it proved to be a catalyst for the unusual pair to start meeting in person more often.

He found his meetings with Amy to be a delight, each visit more enjoyable than the last. It felt like spending the day with a clone of himself. He suspected that his fellow comrades were somewhat jealous of his boy-slash-friend-slash-girl-slash-friend relationship with the neurobiologist, but in truth, they found their tandem more than unbearable. One Sheldon was enough to drive them crazy, and with the addition of Amy, it was double the trouble, double the headache and double the condescension.

There was simply no escaping the "Shamy." They were together at Sheldon's apartment, the Cheesecake Factory and at his work. The two were as inseparable as a barnacle on a whale. He was eager to impress Amy with his work and decided to show off his research to her, expecting her to be impressed by his excellence. What he got instead was the opposite of what he had anticipated. She had the audacity to call Physics "cute."

Of course THE Dr. Sheldon Lee Cooper, B.S., M.S., M.A., Ph.D., Sc.D., theoretical physicist extraordinaire had something to say about that! He was not going to let some hotsy-totsy from Glendale ridicule his line of work! A lengthy debate ensued. Seeing as the neurobiologist refused to fold, they settled the problem by terminating their relationship immediately.

* * *

It was an exquisite Saturday morning. There was no work, no Kripke, and nobody else who could disrupt Sheldon's morning routine. Leonard has decided to sleep in and had asked not to be bothered. Penny, as always, would not be functional until 11:00 am. Sheldon rose from his bed at exactly 6:15 am and poured himself a bowl of cereal with ¼ cup of 2% milk, sat down on his spot and turned on BBC America to watch his beloved Doctor Who.

Once the show ended, he brought his bowl to the sink, washed it, and had his usual 7:00 am - 7:20 am toilet routine. Afterwards, he sat down to his desk, turned on his laptop and excitedly logged on to Skype, only to remember that the only person he wanted to talk to at this hour was no longer available.

_No matter, I'll just go read a comic book._

And so he did. Two comic books later, he got bored and decided to watch Star Wars. He invited Leonard, Howard, Raj and even Penny to watch, but each and every one of them was preoccupied with their own Saturday plans, so he watched alone. Twenty minutes into the movie, he turned off his T.V. and decided to play World of Warcraft. Sixteen minutes later, he decided to practice his Wii bowling skills. Seven minutes later, he decided to play his theremin. Two minutes later, he settled in his spot and stared into nothingness.

_This is ridiculous._

Bored out of his mind, he decided to go outside for a walk in the park.

He wasn't missing Amy. Not the least bit. Not at all. It was an absurd notion. His life didn't change regardless of whether or not that woman was in his life. No siree. He didn't need her.

"Meow."

Sheldon looked to his right and spotted a white cat with black spots playfully rolling around the blades of grass. He tilted his head and smiled at the furry creature. He started interacting with it, regardless of his allergic reaction to the animal. He began casually telling it facts about how the atomic bomb came to be formed, as if the feline knew what he was talking about.

"I'll call you Dr. Robert Oppenheimer."

It was at that moment that Sheldon Lee Cooper decided that felines were better companions. He got one, and then two and eventually twenty-five.

He could not comprehend the reasons for his friends' worry. He was completely fine. Heck he had never been happier now that he has twenty-five new roommates! He was not sad. He just decided to welcome cats into his home because they never once questioned his intelligence; unlike that despicable woman who had the galls to say Neurobiology was better than Physics! As if!

Regardless of what Penny thinks, Sheldon insisted that they did not breakup. A breakup would imply Amy was his girlfriend, which she was not. He thought that Penny always had an obsession to believing in illusions, just like her belief in the mass cultural delusion that the Sun's apparent position relative to arbitrarily defined constellations and the time of her birth somehow effects her personality. Sheldon silently hopes that her delusions would not rub off on Leonard.

He assured all of them, for who knows how many times, that he was fine, but obviously it was not enough to convince them and they decided to call his own mother. He initially thought she visited because she misses her little 'Shelly-bean', but once he found out that she was caught up in the same delusion that he was "pining for a young lady," he was less than amused. It just wasn't enough for these people. They just had to call THAT person over to the apartment without his knowledge.

"The reason I called Amy over was to find out what type of person she is," Mary Cooper began. "And after chatting a bit, I have to say that while she is a perfectly… unique… young woman…"

_Here it is. She's gonna spit out some nonsense about how I should take back her friendship and how similar and compatible we are and how–_

"…you two are definitely not suited for each other."

Sheldon looked at his mother in shock and confusion. How could she not see it? His own mother! Didn't she even notice the scholarly way Amy expressed herself when she talked? The manner in which she presents herself so tidily as if no dirt could ever come in contact with her? Surely his mother must've at least noticed her sense of humor. She had the wittiest jokes! How can she not see this at all?

"That's a peculiar conclusion. By any standard, Amy is more similar to me than anyone I've ever met."

"Oh, I'm sorry Shelly. I can't see it."

Can't see it? Were they looking at two different people? He wondered if perhaps his mother needed prescription glasses. Visual impairment and Glaucoma were pretty common in women her age. Regardless of his mother's optical conditions, he knew that it was ridiculous for his mother to assume that they had nothing in common.

"Well, whether you see it or not is irrelevant. You can't see subatomic particles, but nevertheless they're there."

"Excellent point," Amy interjected.

_Finally, something we both actually agree on._

"A Physics point," Sheldon cockily retaliated.

"Touche."

"Well, putting aside the pig Latin," Mary continued "it's a good thing that you two decided to end the relationship so I didn't have to end it for you."

Sheldon paused for a moment. What was his mother saying? Why would she want to break up his friendship with his almost perfect twin? It was insane, yet he realized that he himself had been none the wiser for terminating it in the first place. He didn't want to admit it, but he found himself regretting his action.

"Amy, after consideration, I believe we may have acted rashly. I propose we resume our relationship and attempt to resolve our differences."

"I'll agree to that, only if you'll stipulate that 80% of our difficulties were caused by you."

_Difficulties caused by me? Really, Amy? Who's really being difficult here?_

"I'll go with as high as 40."

"65." Sheldon tried his best not to roll his eyes.

"Done. You understand that moving forward, we deal with the fact that my mother does not approve of you?"

"I do. I find being cast in the role of bad girl oddly titillating." He looked at her oddly. Only Amy would've thought of that. As quirky and as weird as he found her, he was pleased to have his friend back.

"Would you like to see my cats?"

"I would! I love cats! They're the epitome of indifference!"

_Of course she'd be the only one who'd actually get that. No one else gets that!_

"Ah, then you may find Zazzles a little cloying!"

Delighted, he led her to his cat-filled bedroom. Normally, he would be alarmed when people enter his room, but this was Amy. She wasn't just anyone to him, whether or not he was aware of it.

And just like that, they were back to their old ways and Sheldon's roommate finally convinced him that the additional twenty-five felines in their home were too much.

Sheldon was relieved that the whole thing was resolved, but what he didn't anticipate was that he too would be meeting Amy's own mother sooner than he thought.

* * *

He was having a Skype session with Amy Farrah Fowler one day when she suddenly asked for him to meet her mother. Experience in the Cooper household, specifically regarding the girls George Jr. brought to the house, meant that it was something people in a serious relationship do.

Panic-stricken, the theoretical physicist raced out of his apartment and downstairs to Leonard to seek his council. However, his roommate was not helpful at all and verified that his relationship with the brunette has evolved into a boyfriend-girlfriend one.

There was only one thing that he could do: run and hide. He raced upstairs, changed all his emails, numbers, and entirely erased his virtual footprint in the Internet. As soon as he was done with that, he went downstairs and removed the number two from the building's wall, and informed their mail carrier who was more than understanding.

His plan was foolproof! There was no way Amy Farrah Fowler could find him now! At least that was what he thought until the little vixen from Glendale knocked on his door. He had forgotten that she had already been to the apartment.

_I knew I should've contacted Homeland Security!_

Fortunately, she left when Leonard had told her that Sheldon was not around, but that wasn't the end of his problems. Shortly after Leonard left for his date, Sheldon went downstairs to eat and found Amy Farrah Fowler just outside, waiting for his arrival. He immediately ascended to his apartment and searched for a disguise. He wore a red skiing jacket, a red beanie and a pair of Groucho glasses. Glancing at the mirror, he convinced himself it was the perfect disguise. Unfortunately, Amy saw right through it.

Conversely, instead of a long confession of her undying love for him, he was relieved to discover that Amy only wanted him to pretend that he's in a relationship with her so that her mother would get off her back. With this new information, he was more than happy to help her with her predicament, and everything went back to normal.

But it wasn't long till that vixen stirred up his life again.

* * *

Sheldon's friends eventually got used to Amy and accepted her as a permanent part of the group. What came as an unexpected surprise to him was Amy's growing relationship with Penny. Though he was happy that she was starting to get along with his friends, he was beginning to think Penny was a bad influence on her as she started to change and act differently. Her baser urges even surfaced when she came in contact with Penny's ex-boyfriend.

_I knew that girl was trouble… If Leonard had never invited her to eat at our apartment four years ago, this would never have happened! She's twisting my friends to promiscuity!_

He found Amy's growing interest in physical intimacy extremely uncomfortable, but it never stopped him from enjoying her company. If it had been any other person, he would've stopped communicating with them, but she was different. Despite her slavery to her baser urges, her intellect was the only one that can match his, and he still respected that. To preserve their friendship, he even went through lengths to get in touch with Zack and fix him up with Amy. He was relieved when Amy rejected the possibility of coitus with Zack, but was dumbstruck when she attempted to hold hands with him.

It was an unusual experience. He was taken aback and hated the contact, but there was something different. He didn't understand what he felt when her hand slowly intertwined with his. He felt… warm.

It was a strange phenomenon, but what was stranger was what happened at girls' night. Normally, he couldn't care less and would turn down any opportunity to go out with them due to lack of interest and his aversion to anything alcoholic. However, with the addition of Leonard's new girlfriend Priya in the apartment, he decided it was the lesser of two evils. He refused to drink alcohol, but unfortunately could not refuse to go dancing with them when they found out that he used to dance in a cotillion.

_Great. More hand to hand contact. Germs galore! Might as well kill me now than make me suffer a slow painful germ-infested death!_

Sheldon made Amy wash her hands three times before he was even remotely comfortable with touching them. He had to admit, she was not a bad dancer. He almost enjoyed it. However, when Bernadette and Penny came up to him to have a turn, he couldn't bring himself to touch them, even after they've washed their hands like Amy.

Later in the night, Sheldon assisted Amy to her apartment due to Penny's insistence. Amy was falling all over the place, and someone needed to make sure she reached her door. Once he accomplished that, he decided to stay when she offered her Yoohoo, one of his favorite drinks. It was hard to say no to Yoohoo. The name literally beckons.

It was the first time he set foot in her apartment and he was pleased to find that it was neat and orderly as he imagined it to be. The only thing that seemed out of place was the pile of cigarette butts and the smoking monkey from her lab experiments. Seeing as he would be staying for a while, he decided this was as better time as any to ask for advice regarding his problem at the apartment.

"May I share something with you that's troubling me?" He asked, taking a seat next to her on her couch, deciding that it would be his designated spot.

"Of course! What's rattling around that big bulbous brain of yours?" Amy ecstatically said, sitting across from him on the couch with her hand supporting her cheek. She was a lot perkier than usual, and it bothered the man sitting next to her.

"Priya has essentially nullified my roommate agreement with Leonard, making life at the apartment very uncomfortable for me."

"And you want me to kill her? Done!"

_What?!_

"No! Of course not!"

_Amy, Amy, Amy… What happened to you? I knew that Penny was a bad influence on her… Now she's as violent as that blonde!_

"Well, I trained Ricky how to smoke, I can train him to shoot a poison dart. No jury would convict us coz people love monkeys!" Amy told him ecstatically with such vigor that it looked like she was conducting an orchestra, with her hands flailing about. She was as drunk as a skunk.

"I understand the alcohol has stirred up whatever it is that make girls go wild, but I really need to talk to smart Amy now," Sheldon said, hoping to get something a little bit more sensible from his intellectual companion.

"Excuse me," Amy said as she stood up and handed her whining experimental monkey a cigarette before returning to the couch. "Have you considered that your intelligence might be the very thing causing your dilemma?"

"No," He answered quizzically, unsure where she was going with this.

_How can intelligence be a dilemma? She must be drunker than I thought._

"What do you think Ricky over here would do if an interloper encroached in his territory?" She said, pointing to her smoking monkey.

"Well, when challenged, monkeys generally assert their dominance through chasing, assault, and a stylized penal display. A little outside my comfort zone," Sheldon replied, wearing an expression of disgust. She wasn't seriously suggesting what he thinks she was suggesting, was she?

"You're being too literal. My point is, he would not meekly surrender to the rules and neither should you" Amy said, pushing his chest lightly with her index finger.

"Are you suggesting I play dirty?"

"Yes, dirty. Dirty, dirty, dirty..."

As Sheldon worked out plans on how to eradicate his problem in the apartment, he notices the odd way Amy has been looking at him.

"Which brings me to our next order of business."

In a few seconds, the woman he had asked for advice closed the distance between them and locked her lips with his.

This wasn't the first time he was kissed by surprise. Leonard's mother had kissed him before when she was drunk because of Penny's influence. The event left him stunned and horrified. The shock of a pair of lips tainted with alcohol-infused saliva and bursting with microbes coming in contact with his rendered him paralyzed. The first thing that came to his mind when the action ceased was the amount of mouthwash and toothpaste he needed to ingest to get rid of all the bacteria.

However, Amy's kiss did not merit the same reaction. He was still shocked, yes, but he was not appalled by the action. The moment her lips came in contact with his, his mind blanked. For a second, he forgot what they were talking about. For a second, he forgot where they were. For a second, he forgot he was Sheldon Lee Cooper, a distinguished theoretical physicist who had Hypochondriasis, Aphephobia and Mysophobia. For a second, he kissed back with the same soft gentle intensity as the neurobiologist.

When he opened his eyes as the brunette pulled back from the kiss, he noticed her dilated pupils and a split-second expression that she had never shown to him before: longing and desire.

"Fascinating" was all he managed to say.

"I hope you don't take what I'm about to do as a comment on what we just did."

Before he could say anything else, she left the room and went to her bathroom, vomiting on and off for forty minutes while he sat on the couch, cringing every time he heard her throw up. After forty minutes, he checked to see how she was and found her passed out on the bathroom floor. Not having the physical capability of taking her to her bed or the couch, he settled on putting a towel under her head. Shortly after he set her oven timer, he left her apartment, feeling light-headed and confused.

The next day, he settled the dispute in his apartment and got a Skype call from Amy. She had forgotten about the events of last night and asked him what happened. After he informed her, they both agreed to forget what happened, but he knew something changed that day. Sheldon became a little more conscious of any physical contact that happens between them. Whether it was an accidental brush of hands or Amy tapping his shoulder. He decided to dismiss it and thought of it as the same feeling he gets whenever anybody else tries to touch him. But deep down, he knew there was something different.

The drunken kiss was not the only physical experience that he was exposed to. Amy had talked him into cuddling with him once when she was depressed about Penny and Bernadette going dress shopping without her, and again it didn't feel as despicable as the other times other people touched him, but he didn't like it either. He didn't know how to describe it.

"Hey, can I talk to you about something? It's a little awkward," Leonard asked, jolting Sheldon out of his thoughts.

"I know what this is about. Given the professional standstill you're at, you're wondering if this is the appropriate time to abandon your research and focus on teaching."

Leonard looks at him annoyed.

"Yes. And if I may suggest, consider changing disciplines to the Humanities. Perhaps history! One of the advantages of teaching history is that you don't have to create things, you know. You just have to remember stuff that happened, then parrot it back. You can have fun with that."

"Yeah, that's not it... Stuart's kind of interested in Amy."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys enjoyed this first chapter~! Reviews are much appreciated~!
> 
> Just in case any of you were interested in the article Sheldon was talking about in the beginning, I'd really like to post the link but fanfiction won't let me. Just google this instead:
> 
> origin-of-species-150-darwin-human-evolution
> 
> I also want to give a shout out to Pearlgrl for beta-reading ang giving me her opinion of my first draft of Sheldon's Story~! Thanks~!
> 
> \---
> 
> \- October 25, 2013 - (my birthday~!)
> 
> Next Chapter: The Gourd-Caffeine Infusion


	2. The Gourd-Caffeine Infusion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: Hey guys~! It's been a while. I've recently been hired so I've been having a hectic schedule. But I am not one to abandon a fiction, especially knowing that there are people who are waiting for the next chapter. I've also decided not to have a beta-reader for now and just be happy-go-lucky with my writing. Still, I'd like to thank Pearlgrl for giving me tips and giving me feedback on my first few chapters. I'd also like to thank XMarisolX for giving me a few pointers in writing. I hope you enjoy~!

 

* * *

_Stuart and Amy? Preposterous! How could someone like Amy Farrah Fowler, a noted neurobiologist capable of performing surgery on her own feet with nothing but nitrous oxide from cans of whipped cream as anesthesia, ever be interested in Stuart Bloom, an impoverished peddler of picture books? Seriously?_

Sheldon thought that Stuart's interest in the neurobiologist was comparable to the fable of the fox and the grapes. She is simply far beyond his reach. It was bound to turn into a sour unrequited infatuation.

Besides, Amy should already be satisfied with Sheldon's company. How could she not be? Sheldon was a noted theoretical physicist, B.S., M.S., M.A., Ph.D. and Sc.D.! He is possibly the most interesting person Amy could ever be with. Not that they were dating.

Sheldon was sure that Amy relished the time she spent with him. They've played Counterfactuals, engaged in long discussions about the universe, shared meals and even their own research, something the exceptional mind of Sheldon Cooper would never do with others. They both enjoyed the company of cats, exchanged witty jokes, conducted experimental gossip and even comforted each other in times of need. He even cuddled with her once. Not that they were dating.

Other than that, if Amy was once turned off by a certain gorilla by the name of Zack Johnson, she would certainly get turned off by someone who only has a degree in the arts. What could they possibly have in common or even converse about? Sheldon had no reason to worry. Amy would never choose Stuart over him. Not that they were dating.

Sheldon shook his head, snickering upon the notion that Amy would ever think Stuart would be as fascinating as he is. Besides, they've only just met a couple of hours ago!

* * *

Sheldon was overjoyed to see Amy right outside their apartment building that day. Though he was a man of habit and didn't like surprises, she always had this odd but pleasant effect on him, with the exception of their Physics vs. Neurobiology spat that is. It was the first time she made a visit unannounced, and on a Wednesday, her least favorite day of the week. He knew for a fact that she hated Wednesdays because it was two days in the work week and two days away from the weekend.

Tonight was New Comic Book Night, and the mere thought of her added participation in their weekly Wednesday routine made him euphoric. Perhaps she would finally appreciate the fine art and literature that was enmeshed in the form of comic books.

Though a bit disappointed to learn that she had forgotten what his schedule for the day was, Sheldon's excitement overpowered his need to issue any strikes. In fact, his giddiness caused him to neglect to inform his confused guest about the occasion. Nonetheless, she agreed to join them.

As soon as they stepped in the store, Sheldon quickly strode towards the plethora of comic books waiting to be purchased. Amy followed him soon after, scanning the establishment from top to bottom. He smiled at his curious companion, thinking about how much in awe she was in front of the spectacle before her. That was until she commented on how lame it was.

_Well! Comic books are not as lame as harps! I'll just have to show her!_

He searched the stands frantically for comic books she might enjoy. Countless names of superheroes, secret agents, villains, mutants and other fictional characters raced through his mind as he enthusiastically imagined Amy's reaction when he finds the one she would adore. He analyzed everything that he had learned about her and put a lot of thought into what kind of comic books Amy would like.

The first thing that popped into his head was Doom Patrol #86. He recalled the issue having a super villain called "The Brain" which was an actual brain encased in a robotic body and frequently carried around by an intelligent ape named Monsieur Mallah. How can a person like Amy, not like it?

He searched his eidetic memory a bit more. In the unlikely event that she might not like it, he thought that he should have a couple more alternatives to present to her. He thought that she may be more open to reading about female superheroes. He instantly thought of Mockingbird, the love interest of Hawkeye, a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent who specializes in espionage and has a PhD in biology. Dr. Barbara Morse… She could definitely relate to that!

Unfortunately, both of the comic books were vintage and were released in May 1964 and June 1971. It would be a chore to find, and he certainly couldn't find it in Stuart's little comic book store. He would have to find those another time. For now, he needed to find something more recent so he could show something to Amy.

As his fingers flipped through several comic books, one in particular caught his eye.

"Oh! There you are Batman #708!"

_Batman! Definitely! She'll love Batman! Everybody loves Batman! He's a wealthy and influential figure in Gotham city who doubles as a vigilante fighting crime and creating his own gadgets. What's not to love? He is arguably one of the most popular superheroes!_

He was so absorbed by his hunt for material that could potentially lure the skeptic neurobiologist into his hobby that he never even noticed Stuart advancing towards her. The only time he noticed his presence was when he had finished accumulating a number of comic books to present to Amy. He didn't really make anything of it as he was too engrossed in his mission to educate his female friend about the wonders of the comic book world.

* * *

"Leonard, Leonard, Leonard. Why must you always disrupt the schedule? I have laundry to do in the next few hours!" an exasperated Sheldon complained. It was a Saturday preevening. They don't visit the comic book store on Saturday preevenings. It has always been on Wednesday nights. Sheldon thought his roommate was unnecessarily finicky about keeping or not keeping the Ka'a expansion pack. He went on and on about it since he got it three days ago till he finally decided that the deck was a waste of money.

As he entered the comic book store with Leonard, Sheldon resisted the impulse to present displays of mockery when he sees Stuart moping over his rejection from the brilliant Dr. Fowler. To his surprise, the proprietor of the comic book store was nowhere to be found and a young man with glasses had taken his place.

"Where's Stuart?" Sheldon inquired, not liking the sudden change.

"Out," the young man replied, sniggering.

"Who are you?"

"I'm Dale. He left me in charge."

Sheldon was not interested in the new employee and decided to browse for comic books he might have missed. He was busy and ecstatically looking through things when a statement caught his attention when Leonard asked about the whereabouts of the proprietor.

"I don't know. He went out for coffee. With a girl."

The last statement uttered by Stuart's replacement echoed in Sheldon's ears. There was no mistake about it. It had to be Amy. The Amy who he played Counterfactuals with. The Amy who denounced all physical contact on their first meeting. The Amy who he thought was his female replica.

"Oh… I guess I was wrong," he uttered, his words calling attention to his companion.

"You okay?" Leonard asked, concerned, as he approached his lanky friend. Sheldon looks at him, a bit taken aback by his inquiry, realizing he just vocalized his thoughts.

"Am I okay?" He paused, finding it odd that someone would ask him such a question with regards to Amy's activities. He thought it was an irrelevant question, yet he felt quite disturbed. But he would never admit it. It was illogical, and Sheldon Lee Cooper was not a man who acted upon illogical urges.

"Leonard, I'm on a lifelong trajectory that includes a Nobel Prize and cities named after me, all four wisdom teeth fit comfortably in my mouth without need of extraction, and my bowel movements run like a German train schedule," Sheldon said aloofly, finding his friend's question ridiculous and unnecessary. "Am I okay?"

Of course he was okay. He really was.

* * *

Sheldon spent the remainder of his night playing Mystic Warlords of Ka'a with his friends while putting up with their ridiculous notions of him being affected by Amy's dating exploits. It was after a restless Saturday night of twisting and turning and an uneventful Sunday that he decided to settle the question that simmered in his head: Why did Amy accept Stuart's invitation to coffee?

He took out his notebook, and with a pen in hand, he narrowed down a list of hypotheses as to why she accepted:

1.) Amy was being blackmailed.

2.) Stuart had taken Amy's monkeys hostage.

3.) Amy felt sorry for how pathetic he is and this was like charity.

4.) Stuart used some kind of mind control technology on Amy.

5.) Stuart somehow acquired a Sheldon costume.

6.) An alien parasite invaded Amy's body and accepted the date without her knowledge.

He thought about the probability of each item tallied and was certain that one of them was true. Still, he felt that the list was incomplete, that there was one possibility that he did not acknowledge, nor want to for that matter. Just for the sake of argument and putting it out there, he decided to add one more item:

7.) Because Amy likes Stuart.

He didn't understand why, but writing that last statement gave him some sort of sting. He looked at the line intently, trying to convince himself that it was the most irrational and improbable reason as to why Amy took the invitation. But then again, when they were listing down the reasons as to why Amy kept saying 'Hoo' and felt clammy when she was in the premises of Penny's ex-boyfriend, the last and most dubious deduction had been the answer. That couldn't be the case in this one… could it?

Sheldon couldn't help but feel that there was some truth to this. For one thing, she had entertained the man in the comic book store regardless of the fact that she had no interest in comic books. She had agreed to a date regardless of the fact that she no longer had to date out of obligation to her mother after they convinced her that Amy had pair-bonded with Sheldon. There was also the fact that their date was scheduled on a Saturday, the same Saturday that Amy had to work overtime because of some problem in their lab. She would never make plans on the same day, not unless it was important. Not unless it was a special occasion. Not unless she liked him.

There was only one way for him to know, and that was to ask the person in question herself. He grabbed his phone and began to type:

Hello Amy, I heard that you went out on a date with Stuart. May I ask the reason for your acceptance?

Sheldon was about to press send before he realized that by doing so, he'd be negating his statements about his apathy towards Amy's dating escapades.

_This is silly. It's way past my bedtime and I should be going to bed. I have work tomorrow!_

* * *

"This was nice," A skinny man with curly hair said as he walked with a woman with long brown hair and glasses to her apartment door.

"Yes, well, thanks for seeing me to my door. I had a really great time," The woman responded, stopping just in front of her door.

"I wasn't sure you'd be interested in going on a date with me, considering that you and Sheldon might have some kind of thing going on…"

"What thing? We're merely intellectual companions. Nothing more, nothing less."

"I see."

"Do you want to come inside?" The woman said invitingly, giving the man a warm and alluring smile.

"Sure."

The two individuals entered the empty apartment. The woman proceeded to open the lights and lay her bag on her chair. The man reached out, put his hand on her shoulder and slowly turned her around.

"You know… I've been wanting to kiss you for some time now."

"That makes two of us."

The two lunge themselves at each other, sharing a deep and passionate kiss. Lip-locked, the man's hands explored the woman's feminine curves while the woman grasped the nape of his neck, pulling him in close proximity. The man laid her down the couch and continued caressing every single part of the her body, each kiss more intense than the last. They started to take each other's clothes off. First the shoes. Then the socks. Then the jacket. Then the top. As the man struggled with the woman's shirt, he whispered in her ear.

"Can I rip this off?"

"Go ahead," She said in a sweet, enticing whisper.

"LEONARD!"

Sheldon woke up in cold sweat. His nightmares usually included imaginary entities only seen in movies and video games or someone sitting in his beloved spot. This was the first time he dreamt of something like this, and it distraught him to a great level.

_It was just a dream. It was just a dream. It's just like one of those gorn-infested nightmares I had when we had that time machine model. It was just a dream. There was no way that could possibly happen._

"Sheldon? Are you okay?" Leonard rushed to his room, worried after hearing his roommate scream.

"I had a nightmare," Sheldon said. He was noticeably disturbed.

"What was it about?"

Sheldon looked at his roommate for a moment, considering the possible repercussions of telling Leonard his dream. He was sure to be mocked about his paranoia regarding his female friend's dating ventures.

"It's nothing important."

* * *

If there was one thing that Sheldon learned about social media sites, it was that there was no such thing as too much information. Millions of people log in to their Facebooks, Twitters, Tumblrs and the like and spend hours on end posting personal data, countless pictures of food, cats, drunken nights and information about day to day activities no one cares about. Surely with that trend going about, one of them must've posted something about their date.

He checked Amy's Facebook but only found a couple of pictures of camel races and her girls nights with Penny and Bernadette. He decided to accept Stuart's two-year old Facebook friend request so he could skim through his posts. He looked intently at each of his posts, searching for any hint of what transpired yesterday. A particular post caught his eye. There was a picture of Amy and Stuart sitting together at a coffee shop with the caption, 'Been a while since I dated. Just shared a pumpkin latte with a dynamite lady!'

_Dynamite lady? DYNAMITE LADY? What's that supposed to mean?_

Moments after discovering the picture, he detected a solitary cup of pumpkin latte sitting next to a half-filled glass of water. It dawned on the theoretical physicist that the two had shared the hot beverage. The thought of their saliva intermingling in that gourd-infused caffeinated drink sent shivers down his spine.

"You've got to be kidding me. You friended Stuart on Facebook?" Leonard commented, breaking Sheldon's thoughts as he peered over his shoulder.

It was a matter of time before those two other goons decided to butt in. They started barraging Sheldon with quips of mockery and crazy unrealistic suggestions, the craziest being Leonard's suggestion that he should admit that he had feelings for the Glendale gal. Sheldon Cooper does not affiliate himself with such hippy-dippy things! Unfriend Rajesh Koothrapali, Howard Wolowitz and Leonard Hofstader!

* * *

Why should he be affected in the first place? He didn't own Amy. He can't own a person. Why should he be bothered by Amy dating Stuart? It wasn't like it they would stop enjoying each other's company. She can date whoever she wants. In fact, he can also date whoever he wants. It's not like they're in a binding girlfriend-boyfriend relationship.

Knock Knock Knock "Penny."

Knock Knock Knock "Penny."

Knock Knock Knock "Penny."

"What's up?" the blonde beauty asked, opening the door to her neighbor before heading to her kitchen.

"I came to ask if you would like to go on a date with me."

"I'm sorry, what?" The blonde looked at her neighbor incredulously. The same neighbor who couldn't care less about girls was asking her for a an actual date.

"A date. You and me. Dining, dancing, perhaps you'd like to take in a prizefight."

Having known Sheldon for approximately five years had made Penny accustomed to his way of thinking. He wouldn't ask her out for a date without a motive. "God, are you trying to make Amy jealous?"

_Me? Make Amy jealous? Hah! Seriously? Why does everyone keep arriving to that conclusion?_

"No! Why is everyone so obsessed with Amy and Stuart? And whether or not they may be having more pumpkin lattes or intercourse tonight?"

_Jealous? How absurd! Sheldon Lee Cooper does not get jealous!_

"Okay, listen to me. Playing games is not gonna help get Amy back."

"I am not trying to get her back!" Sheldon defended.

_Dear Lord, how many times must I repeat it before they get the message? I am not trying to get her back! Trying to get her back would suggest that… that… It's not…_

"But, out of curiosity, what is a way?" And so he caved.

"All right, honey, let me tell you a story," Penny began. "There was a guy I liked, and I never told him how I felt. Eventually, he started going out with someone else, and I always regretted it. Do you see where I'm going with this?"

_Oh my… How did I not see this sooner?_

"I believe I do."

"Mm."

"I'm the guy."

"You're not the guy," Penny said, looking at him annoyed. Was she annoyed because Sheldon finally figured out that Penny had secretly admired him from afar like how Lois Lane looked at Superman?

"Are you sure? That would explain so much. Your constant presence in my apartment, that baffling dalliance with Leonard just to be near me, the way you call me sweetie all the time."

"I call everyone sweetie."

"You tramp."

_Hmph._

"Ugh, look, Sheldon, all I'm saying is strap on a pair and go talk to Amy," the blonde said, receiving a confused look from her visitor.

"Strap on a pair? Of what, skates?" Sheldon inquired while trying to find the connection between getting Amy back and skates. Does he present her a pair of skates as a bribe? Is skating some kind of good luck charm for Nebraskans? If not skates, then a pair of what?

"Oh, sweetie, you are so not the guy."

* * *

Okay, so it really did bother him. So what? So he didn't want Amy to date Stuart. What was wrong with that? Was it so wrong to not want his friend to date a very suspicious fellow like Stuart or any guy for that matter? It's just normal, isn't it? It's normal for a person to have this great surge of discomfort and uneasiness when a friend is in danger of mating with a distrustful character. It wasn't like it was the first time he felt it. He also felt it when he heard about her sham engagement with a Saudi Arabian prince, when she met up with Zack, and even when she was with Leonard. Yes, Leonard was his best friend, but one could never tell what thoughts were behind those bespectacled eyes.

This was normal, right?

Regardless of whether others may think this is a symptom of the green-eyed monster aptly named 'jealousy', it was not. No. Dr. Sheldon Lee Cooper does not get jealous, especially not with a camel-race-loving prince, a dim-witted gorilla, an experimental physicist and a peddler of picture books! He was simply concerned for a friend. That's all this was.

But how can he stop this madness? He had always observed lower humans to have a profound instinctual interest towards physical intimacy and the need to mate and reproduce like rabbits, but he didn't expect Amy to have a desire to partake in the convention. He thought he had already prevented the whole mess with Zack Johnson and potential mates when he suggested Amy to use Kolinahr to control her baser urges, but he was wrong.

Maybe he could bribe her. Maybe a trip to the zoo? Her favorite snack? A new pet monkey? No, that wasn't going to work. Bribery might work momentarily, but she'll eventually go looking for new potential mates again.

He looked around the apartment, as if the answer was somewhere enclosed in the four walls of his apartment. Then, from the corner of his eye, he spotted a document on his roommate's table.

It was the Roommate Agreement.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, I absolutely enjoy and appreciate feedback~! Please Review~!
> 
> \---
> 
> -December 4, 2013-
> 
> Next Chapter: The Territorial Protection Manuever


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